It was Sunday and I was picking out my clothes for work Monday (because who has time for that in the morning with a 2 year old and 4 month old). As I stared at my clothes in my closet all I could see were the clothes that didn’t fit me quite right since having my second baby. I saw a very slim selection of clothes that fit me now and began to feel down.
My husband noticed and he reassured me of everything I already knew: you look great, you just had a baby, it will get better. But in that moment I just couldn’t feel that way and I began to cry. I felt upset that my body isn’t what it was. I felt upset for breastfeeding holding me back from losing weight. Then I felt upset/guilt over being upset about breastfeeding.
I used to focus on what I looked like rather than being healthy and since having Owen I have ended up at that spot again. It’s a terrible place to be with constant self-judgement, self-criticism, and disappointment. I have become my own worst critic. I would never expect someone else with a 4 month old to be back to their pre-baby weight/shape (or expect that of anyone ever) so why do I put such high expectations on myself? I have side by side pictures of the progress I have made and yet I still don’t believe it.
Well I am done with that, or at least I’m going to work really hard to be done with that. I know there will be some days that are just harder than others but I am going to strive every day to think more positively and accept my body for what it is and what it has done and what it is currently doing. My body is amazing. It gave birth to 2 beautiful baby boys and now it is creating food for my youngest. It allows me to be physically active and to play with my kids.
I want to be able to say “I love myself” and truly mean it without that voice in my head saying “except this, this, and this.” I no longer want to say to myself, “if only I had her ______and her ______.” It’s so easy to compare myself to others but the reality is I am perfect just the way I am and the way I am is exactly how I was meant to be.
So here is to working on self-love and reminding myself daily to love me just as I am!